…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
(Ephesians 5:21; Philippians 2:12)
I don’t meet enough trembling men. Truth is: fear isn’t all bad. In fact it’s a part of godliness, but it’s a quality too seldom cultivated in our lives today. More of us need a fresh, fearful awareness of the seriousness of life and of the awesome responsibilities of our calling in the home. Hey guys: if we really are aware of what we are called to we’ll know how knee-knocking fear feels.
We’ve already argued that dread and the fear of condemnation are not healthy. But it’s the same Bible that tells us to cast out fear (1 John 4:18) and encourages us to know we have peace with God and are at risk of no condemnation (Rom. 5:1 and 8:1) that tells us over 250 times that fearing God is good! To fear God is to realize that He is great and good and holy. It’s to have a healthy sense that He’s the One before Whom we will one day stand to review all the choices and actions of our lives. And it’s to live life accordingly.
I’m a fan of the modern day philosopher: Calvin (as in “…and Hobbes”). I’ve got all the Bill Watterson collections of comic masterpieces and have read them each about a dozen times. I’m convinced I could do far worse things with my time. For all of you comics illiterates Calvin is a six year old philosopher type who interacts with Hobbes, his stuffed tiger, on a variety of life-related matters, ranging from the trivial to the profound.
On the profound end of things is the following Calvin monologue. I can’t recall the pictorial background for this but I imagine it as something like Calvin being engaged in a series of death-defying antics while Hobbes observes with chin in hand. Calvin begins to muse:
“We all want meaningful lives. We look for meaning in everything we do.
But suppose there is no meaning. Suppose life is fundamentally absurd.
Suppose there is no reason or truth, or rightness in anything.
What if nothing means anything? What if nothing really matters?
Or suppose everything matters. Which would be worse?”
Now there’s a provocative twist. Imagine if everything matters. How does that affect the fear factor of your life? Can I suggest guys, that if that doesn’t create at least a bit of a nervous flutter somewhere in the gut, then we’re not paying attention? Friend, let that stir at least a fair measure of what Paul calls “fear and trembling”.
Ironically, when it comes to family roles, I think it’s safe to say that the wrong ones are feeling the most fear. Women tend to tremble more than men when talk of headship and submission begins. But get this guys: if women are more afraid of the biblical doctrine of headship than men are, it is because neither of them understands it. Rightly understood, this truth should cause women to cheer and men to fear.
It may be understandable that women fear the abuse and failure of men, but they need never fear the doctrine of true headship. And while a man should embrace his headship with a willing heart, he is a fool if he does so with a giddy and irreverent heart. Headship is not a power to be wielded for personal gain; it is a stewardship to be exercised in the fear and love of God.
Leadership carries a burden of responsibility that will make any sane man tremble. The sensible man knows that he has a solemn charge to keep. He knows that each life deposited in his care is a stewardship for which God will one day want an account. He knows that his life counts; his words count; his character counts; his leadership counts; everything counts. Consequently, he knows what it is to tremble.
It is this kind of reverent awareness of the significance of life before God that leads to a humble realization of one’s inadequacy and need. The right kind of fear has a way of producing dependence and prayer. Humble leaders can hear their own hearts in Solomon’s childlike cry for wisdom:
And now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in. And your servant is in the midst of your people whom you have chosen, a great people, too many to be numbered or counted for multitude. Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people? (1 Kings 3:7-9)
When called to govern a family and to shepherd a home in the things of God, we feel like saying: “I am but a little child”. Brothers, this is good for it’s humility talking. It’s honest self-evaluation. Here are the paradoxes of humble fear. The man is wise who knows he isn’t. The man has strength who feels his weakness. The man gains adequacy through the owning of his inadequacy. The man who experiences the right kind of fear is the man who will receive the right kind of faith and courage to lead.
The husband/father who is postured in weakness and fear is the man who knows that everything matters. He is then the man who, like Solomon, will cry out for grace. He’s the one who is positioned to see his need and search for help. He’s the one who knows to look up. So, my brother, your fear can be a catalyst for growth, an opportunity for grace. “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). Cultivate a measure of healthy, humble fear every day; then see what grace God gives.
Application and Reflection Exercises
1. Make a list of what you believe are your four greatest responsibilities as head of your home.
2. Evaluate how you are doing in the responsibilities you have listed. Make sure to identify ways you’re doing well and ways you are not.
3. Cite one step you can take to grow in each of these responsibilities.
4. Write a prayer asking God to give you both a trembling and a believing heart regarding these responsibilities.
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