…holding fast to the Head, from whom the whole body, nourished and held together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God.
(Ephesians 1:22, 23; Colossians 2:19)
A few years back when my oldest son was in his early teens he got it in his head that he could outrun his dad in a 100 yard dash. Of course his dad denied this, and a challenge ensued. The date, time, and place were set. Although his siblings planned to be in attendance, perhaps because of premonition, I preferred that Gayline was not. A good thing.
The day came, the race began, and as I reached mid-course I felt something odd. Seeing the back of my son’s body, I desperately tried to lengthen my stride as I’d done effortlessly in days gone by. I then signaled my legs to shift up a gear up to close the gap. But neither brain-to-leg message worked. Neither signal got a response. I felt like never before that my body and mind were living a separate existence. My body defied my head. In effect the race was over. About ten strides later when my hamstring popped, it really was over.
I knew in that head-hanging moment that my brain and my body would be on different wave-lengths for the duration. Things were no longer going to work as they were intended. Body rebellion was to become the norm.
Sometimes we overlook the obvious until a glitch shows up. We live with the head being in charge of the body, but don’t think about that authority relationship until age or disease monkey with the connection.
I think that we’ve missed the obvious in God’s choice of words for a husband. He’s the head. That means at least in some sense he’s in charge. The metaphor’s not that hard to grasp: headship implies authority. As the head of a body exercises a very real authority over the body, so the husband has a very real authority over the wife.
In Ephesians, where Paul says that the husband is head of the wife, this authority dimension cannot be missed. As Ephesians 1:21, 22 make clear, the Supreme Model of Headship, Jesus Christ, is clearly the Authority in the Church. No one who takes the Bible seriously would doubt His headship authority. Why then do we balk at headship authority in the marriage relationship in which the husband’s role is said to be patterned after the Savior’s? It seems to be a denial of the obvious.
Husband-heads are ordained by God to have authority in the home, an authority to which God calls wives to submit respectfully.
Jesus holds gracious authority in the Church to lead it into the growth that comes from God. He holds edifying authority so He may fill the church with the fullness of His grace. He knows what the Father’s plan for the Church is, and He exercises initiating authority to carry it out. This fits well with the following definition of spiritual leadership:
“Spiritual leadership is knowing where God wants people to be, and taking the initiative to get them there by God’s means in reliance on God’s power” (John Piper).
Authority rightly exercised has less to do with power than with grace-motivated initiative. And it has nothing to do with a “king of the roost” or “lord of my domain” egotism. As husbands, we are called to serve wife and kids by knowing where God wants our families to be, and then doing whatever it takes to get them there, using God’s means of example, encouragement, teaching, warning, planning, perseverance, self-sacrifice, and prayer.
In Genesis 1, God made Adam and Eve to have dominion over creation. God gave that authority to Adam (in Genesis 2) before Eve was made. Adam then exercised it in caring for the garden, naming the animals, and then naming Eve herself.
It is in that context that God declares that it was “not good for the man to be alone” and that He would make Adam “a helper fit for him”. So God did not make Eve because Adam was lonely so much as because Adam needed help having dominion. She was to yield to his authority in order to share his authority over the earth.
There’s a good safe-guard here against perverse male dominance. This Genesis 2 model suggests that while the man’s authority is real, it is not absolute or independent. Husbands have authority, but they are inadequate to wield that authority without the strong help and complementary gifts of their wives.
This is what Paul means in I Corinthians 11 when he says that the “woman was made for the man”. Paul wasn’t saying that women are men’s servants to fulfill their whims, but that women are men’s helpers to do God’s will; to help them take initiative to get the family and world where God wants it to be. Brothers: we have been called to initiative with authority, with our wives at our side.
I don’t know about you but while I’ve never been the commanding type of husband (I can’t recall 10 times in 31 years when I’ve told my wife what to do), I also have to say that not until recently did I embrace my full role as spiritual initiator. For years I’ve overlooked areas of spiritual need in my life and in my wife, choosing instead to be passive. Now I know that God has called me to exercise a real grace-filled initiating authority in my wife’s life, to lead her upward and onward even more in the things of God.
Are you with me on this?
Application and Reflection Exercises
1. Review the Piper quote about spiritual leadership. Then review your marriage and family needs. List those areas of concern in which you know your wife and children are not where God wants people to be.
2. List one or two specific steps you can initiate to make progress in the three areas of need identified yesterday.
3. Think about this question: “Are you the functional leader of your home or just a leader in word and theory only? Who exerts greater initiative for the spiritual and other needs of your family; you or your wife?
4. Would you call yourself a spiritual visionary for your family? What’s your vision for where God wants your wife and family to be (spiritually) 5 years from now?
5. What do you think you ought to do if your wife struggles to follow your initiative?
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