Starting with the Gospel

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
(Ephesians 2:8-10)
Have you ever struggled with condemnation? You know what I mean: that sense of shame that leads you to despair, or at least to a place where you don’t even want to try one more time to get it right? Or have you ever felt so lust-scorched that you could barely function? Have you ever started to teach and lead your family only to have a “Who are you to lead them?” scream from your conscience and freeze you in your tracks? Don’t think you’re alone; we’ve all been there.

Recently, Gayline and I had another conversation about my leadership in the home. Specifically, it was about my failure to lead her well into shared times of prayer as a couple. Okay guys, you tell me: why is it easier to repair a car, build a shed, paint the house, solve complex problems at work, or develop and carry out plans to fix just about anything in the world than it is to pray with one’s wife? I’m still not fully in touch with my heart issues on this one. One thing I know is that the problem has nothing to do with Gayline. She’s a model of humble grace and godliness; I’m the one messed up.

Anyway, this talk wasn’t fun for me, and here’s why: we’d had it many times before. You guys probably know what it felt like. Have you ever hesitated to ask your wife’s forgiveness, or to muster the will to try again to get it right because your offence was one you’d committed 468 times? I have, and this recent talk was but one more time through it. Let’s face it: this type of repeat failure and clinging sin debilitates us guys frequently because it leaves us doubting God’s forgiving and empowering grace.

Guilt and condemnation have produced as many deficient men, deadbeat dads, and derelict husbands as nearly any other causes. Lots of guys have stopped trying to do right because they’re convinced they’re beyond hope of God’s forgiving and transforming grace. For this reason, men desperately need the gospel. We need to know that we are saved by grace, not by works; that God loves us in spite of how we’ve performed as husbands or dads, not based on how we’ve performed. We need to know that what gets us right with God and guaranteed a place in His love forever is the fact that Jesus died as a substitute to bear our guilt and punishment on the cross. We need to know that He lived a perfectly righteous life so that His righteousness could be credited to our account when we came to believe in Him.

Paul starts Ephesians with these wonderful gospel truths, and I’m glad he does. I’m glad that before Paul gets to husband/dad duties in chapters five and six of this letter, he expounds gospel joys. Ephesians begins with a three chapter celebration of all that the believer enjoys in Christ. Every spiritual blessing imaginable (and more—see Eph. 3:20) is lavished on us in Christ (Eph. 1:3-10).

These three chapters are dense with gospel grace, reminding us of just how loved, forgiven, empowered, and destined for glory we are as those who believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior. It’s well worth pausing here, if you’ve got a few extra minutes, to read these chapters once or twice, noting all the blessings the Christian has in Christ. Let them sink in so you can gain some grace to face your headship failures with hope.

After this gospel saturated beginning, Ephesians then finishes with a three-chapter call to live lives worthy of the gospel. Having reminded us of all we are and have in Christ, Paul then reminds us of how we are to live in Christ. Paul’s logic is important: good news first, good works second. Chapters 1-3 line up with Ephesians 2:8-9, telling us that we are saved by grace apart from good works. Chapters 4-6 line up with Ephesians 2:10, telling us that we are saved by grace to do good works. We’re saved first; we serve next. Christ’s works save us; our works follow.

When Paul teaches husbands about headship in chapter five he assumes this understanding of the gospel. And guys, it matters. It matters because the pursuit of godliness as husbands and dads will produce legalism, bondage, and guilt if we are not living gospel-based and cross-centered lives. In other words, if you and I don’t understand just how much we are loved, accepted, and empowered by God in Christ, all our efforts to be good husbands and godly dads will lead only to the paralysis of shame. Every time we blow it again, we’ll be tempted to quit the fight.

Of course, there’s a certain kind of fear and trembling that is good (Eph. 5:21; 6:5; Phil. 2:12), but be clear on this: no kind of dread and condemnation is. Headship duties are too demanding, too important, too hard, and way too guilt-producing for us to approach them unarmed with the guilt and fear releasing power of the gospel. That’s why Christian men have to live in Ephesians 1-3, where we learn that the blood of Jesus, as the substitutionary atonement for our sins, and the righteousness of Christ, as the sole basis of our acceptance as righteous in God’s sight, are what save and secure us before God.

C.J. Mahaney, one of my leaders in the Sovereign Grace Ministries family of churches, loves to speak of “living the cross centered life”. By keeping the gospel central in life through reflection, study, song, prayer and fellowship, we learn to stay confident in, and amazed at, grace. As we cultivate an awareness of our sin and then run to the cross, we can find fresh joy in the forgiveness of God, and then grace to carry on.

Guys as you blow it in the home, as the guilt scream sounds again, as you hesitate to ask forgiveness for the 469th time, do not despair. Proclaim the cross to your heart all over again. Live in the confidence that since God has lavished grace on you in Christ, you may have all boldness to move forward as a man to live before, and then love and lead your family.

Application and Reflection Exercises

1. The phrases in Christ or in Him appear many times in Ephesians. Each time is preceded by a blessing we receive from God in Him (e.g.-chosen in Christ, redemption in Him, etc.). Compile a list of some of these blessings Paul names.
2. Try your hand at defining two of the blessings in Christ that you’ve listed.
3. Write a prayer, thanking God for the blessings of the gospel.
4. Pick up a copy of C.J. Mahaney’s book, Living the Cross Centered Life. Read it and enjoy.